if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
