DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
