FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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