He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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