well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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