Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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