Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
