Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
