the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
