did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
