More tranny stories later!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
