I love black thongs
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize