We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize