friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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