I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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