I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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