Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
