I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
