yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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