I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize