i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
