I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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