WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize