once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
