her vagine was all disorganized.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
