Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
