I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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