when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
