The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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