What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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