What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
