I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The Olympian is in my bed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
