i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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