The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
