Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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