don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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