is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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