i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
