my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize