you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
