It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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