I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
