I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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