and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
