I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
