Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
