I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
