Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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