Cold hands, warm shart.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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