So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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