walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize