i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
