I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
