is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
