She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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