he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
