The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
