A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
