I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
