hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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