You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
