Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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