You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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