well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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