I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
