Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
