I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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