I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize