that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
