the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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