The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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