It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just had sex on a roof
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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