Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
